singular beginning
by seilleanmor
Summary: My entry for the Castle Hiatus Ficathon 2013. In which Kate and Rick build a foundation strong enough to weather a marriage. SPOILERS for all US aired episodes including 5x24.
1. Chapter 1

my love is building a building

around you,a frail slippery

house,a strong fragile house

(beginning at the singular beginning

of your smile)

**ee cummings**

* * *

**singular beginning**

* * *

Kate tips forward off of the swing seat, landing hard on her knees against the gravel.

And then she's crawling around to face him and shoving the damn swing out of the way and it's messy and uncoordinated and so much _them_ that she wants to laugh.

She clutches at his lapel, takes a heaving breath that she knows can't possibly be enough to fuel all her questions. And he's trembling now, his whole body channelling towards the ring so it's just that one gorgeous, gorgeous object that she keeps focusing on with the hazy mass of his frame behind it.

"Are you doing this for the right reasons?" She grits out, swaying so hard her body lists into him and he hooks his free hand at her waist to keep her close.

"I love you. I want you to marry me. What more reasons are there?"

Kate shakes her head at that, words pouring from her in a rush so she can get to the one she has to say. "You're not doing this as a way to keep me here? Or because you feel like it's just the _right_ thing for us to do? Or because you're scared you'll lose me otherwise?"

"No, Kate. No. I love you. I want you to be my wife. I just want you."

He chokes, and Kate sees the rush of full and expectant hope in his eyes start to recede, faster and faster like a sucking tide. But she _can't_.

This is what they do.

Cover over the broken open places, the festering sores, with declarations she's not sure they even _mean_ half the time.

"But Rick, we can't even communicate. You remember, at the start of this how we were upfront with each other? But we don't have that anymore. We just gloss over it. What kind of foundation for a marriage is that?"

"Is this. . .are you saying no?" He stares at her, starting to sit back on his heels, and she presses a fierce and bruising kiss to his mouth to keep him with her.

"This is me saying _not yet_. We're not ready for this yet, Castle. We have to work out our issues, not just paper over them." Kate clutches at the rise of his shoulders, bowing her head to settle at his chin.

She does want to marry him. She does. Just. . .not like this.

"Kate. Kate please." He's crumbling around her, his body a cove that the wave of her crashes into over and over.

She cradles his ears, imagines the rush of the ocean there. "Castle. I'm not saying no. I do want to marry you. But I want to give us a fighting chance."

He growls at her, coming in to catch her lip in his teeth, and she gives it right back to him. Here, in the middle of the damn park, and they're building a fortress around one another.

"We have a chance. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think we do."

Kate grits her teeth, knowing it's not fair of her but somehow entirely unable to help it. "You've done this before, Castle. Proposed because you thought it was the right thing to do. Not because you really wanted it."

"Do you hear what I'm saying, Kate? Whatever happens, whatever you choose. If you choose to be a homicide detective until you retire or if you choose to take the job in DC, I want to be with you. I want to be your husband."

That gets her. She sinks down and he follows, still clutching at her. "Castle. Oh God. Castle."

"Do you hear me? I want you. Marry me. Not today, not tomorrow. But someday. Marry me."

And that's better than before. It felt almost clinical before, Castle unable to even meet her eyes past the iron grip of nerves and despair. Steeling himself against it. And she doesn't want that. She wants this. The hot wash of his fierce love at her cheek, his fingers branding at her ribcage.

"Castle." Kate cradles his cheeks against her palms, kissing him wet and messy and desperate. "Let's take the summer. Build ourselves something strong. And then in the fall-"

"I'll ask you again." He grits out, nodding. She manages a tremulous smile for him and it breaks open the shell of their love so everything else rushes in, the press of the gravel against her knees and the swing seat nudging at her spine over and over.

Kate gets to her feet, slowly, her frame aching with the receding wave of adrenaline. She'd thought for one apocalyptic moment that he wanted more than _her_. And instead, he'd shown her forever.

She extends a hand for him and he takes it, letting her help him up. He's got the ring clutched in his other fist still and she strokes her fingers over the back of his hand until he blossoms like spring, handing it to her.

Her engagement ring.

"It's beautiful, Rick." She slides her fingers inside his jacket, her knuckles making clattering half-music over the xylophone of his ribs as she slips the ring back into his pocket. "Keep it safe for me. You're going to need it soon."

"Yeah. Okay. Kate, you still haven't told me what you're going to do about the job."

She laces their fingers together and tugs him away from the swing set, the grass soaking the bottom of her pants. He's close, their hips bracketing the clasp of their hands and knocking together with each step.

"My dad said something that cleared things up a little."

He half-turns to look at her, the last vestiges of despair still haunting like shadows under his cheekbones. "You spoke to your dad?"

"Yeah. He's. . .my _dad_, Rick."

Castle stops her, hauling her against his chest for a bruising hug. "Hey, not a criticism. That's good. It's not just you, and it's not me either. It's all the people that love you, Kate."

"I know." She wriggles free of his grip, needing to _move_. The burn of activity in her lungs always helps her find clarity, sharp focus breaking through the mist of fatigue.

She would run, if that didn't mean letting go of his hand.

"He said that I always do this. Hide in my work when I get scared. And he's right. The job is great, it really is, but I don't want my whole life to be about my work anymore. I had thirteen years of that, Castle."

He grits his teeth, jaw pulsing with the effort of holding back what she hopes is a smile. "It's a great opportunity, Kate. I understand why you're interested."

"It is, you're right. But you know what, Castle? I don't want to go jetting off around the world solving cases and barely having time for myself, let alone us. The twelfth, you, the boys and Lanie. That's home. That's a home I haven't had since my mom died."

He grips her hand tighter but he doesn't stop, lets her lead him all the way to her cruiser. "So you're saying. . .you don't want the job?"

"I do want the job. But I want you more."

Kate tips her face up to him, dusting a kiss to the underside of his jaw and smiling wide when he dips his chin to kiss her properly. Oh, Castle.

Mm. He wants her to be his wife. Beautiful man.

"So you're staying? Because you know I'll come to DC with you if that's what you want, we can look for apartments online and I'll-"

She cuts him off with her mouth against his again, grinning into it. "I'm staying. I have everything I need right here."

* * *

**Author Note: I'm not done with this yet, not by a long shot. This is my entry for the Castle Hiatus Ficathon, so by that merit we still have another 49,000 words to go. I hope you guys come along for the ride.**

**Tumblr: katiehoughton**

**Twitter: seilleanmor**


	2. Chapter 2

**singular beginning**

* * *

Both the boys stare at them when they get back to the precinct, Castle's hand hot against her spine, and Kate smiles at them. Full and wide and true, her throat thick with it.

Because even though things were awkward in the car, even though Rick's still a little upset she didn't say yes, it's good. He wants to marry her. They're-

Oh God, it's dumb, but it's true. They're engaged to be engaged. How ridiculous.

He keeps sliding his hand to his inside pocket again and again. Like he's checking the ring's still there. It's sort of adorable actually. And his smile is back, the one she'd been momentarily terrified she'd never see again.

It carves parentheses into the skin of his face, his eyes and mouth bracketed with hope. Such a gorgeous, lovely man, and he's hers. Has always been hers.

"Hey, Kate. Castle, good to see you man."

Beckett rolls her eyes at Ryan's barely-concealed delight, moving over to start dismantling the murder board. "Hey guys. You get a confession?"

"Signed, sealed, delivered." Espo nods.

Castle comes up behind her, dusting his mouth to her cheek and finding her ear. "I'm yours."

"You're not quite Stevie Wonder yet, Castle." Kate smirks, letting herself take a moment to cup his cheek and then shifting away. Yes, she wants to touch him. Yes, she's looking forward to going home and reminding him with the press and roll of her body how good they are.

But this is the precinct. This is her job, her life. And she has to be professional.

"So, Beckett. There was something you needed to tell us?" It's _Ryan_ who asks, and that in itself gets her.

Javier has always been the one willing to go rogue with her. Has always been the one to notice when something's wrong.

So clearly, she hadn't been doing a great job of hiding it if even Ryan can tell.

"Yeah. I got a job offer with the attorney general. In DC." Kate lifts a shoulder like it's nothing, but Castle's beaming at her back. So proud.

She thinks, by saying _soon_, she's given him permission to stop holding back. Here's the man she fell in love with, nudging at her hip with his own and laughing at the boys.

"Beckett. . .are you leaving?" Espo asks. There's genuine concern there, and if she wasn't certain before then she is now. This is her family.

"No. It was a great opportunity, but I'm not all about the work anymore. This is home."

Oh God, her eyes are filling and that's just so ridiculously embarrassing. It's just leftover emotion from the swing set, from watching the cliff face of Castle's jaw set against her and then the rise of his body up from the gravel, on his knees in supplication.

It got her. _He_ gets to her.

"Good. That's- that's good." Esposito's nodding, brisk and serious, and Beckett can't help but laugh.

"You okay there buddy?"

He huffs at her and turns his attention towards the board, erasing the careful lines of Kate's handwriting. Her face breaks open in a soft smile and she sets her hand at his shoulder. "Hey. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good. We're a team, Beckett."

She nods, takes a step back to give Esposito a little space and bumps into Castle. Still hovering at her back, like he doesn't want to give her more than a few inches to be without him.

His hand falls to her hip, thumb already circling the crest of bone through her pants. "Hey Sito, don't worry. Mom's not leaving you."

Beckett groans at that, turning to shoot him a look over her shoulder. It does still freak her out a little, how all three of her guys call them Mom and Dad. They're supposed to be on an even keel, and she doesn't want Ryan and Espo to feel belittled by it. Even if is them starting it most of the time.

"Not his mom, Rick."

Ryan raises an eyebrow at that and leans against Kate's desk, folding his arms. "So. You guys are okay, then?"

"More than okay." Castle grins, practically _nuzzling_ at her cheek. The wash of his breath curls at her throat, makes her want to fist a hand in his shirt and drag him somewhere quieter.

No. Enough of that. "Okay. Too much."

"_What?_" He smirks, so stupidly pleased with himself, and he knows he's got her. Damn.

"A little space, Castle, huh?"

He takes a step back, fist bumping Ryan as he goes.

Ugh.

Okay, so. . .there's some victory to be had. For all four of them, it seems, although she's still confused about the looks the boys keep sending each other.

"Guys, Jenny and I were wondering if you wanted to come to dinner tomorrow night?" Ryan says, sharing another glance with Javi.

Kate ignores it. She'll find out, eventually. Let them have their secret. After all-

She moves against Castle's side, close enough to feel the bite of her ring at her ribs. They've got secrets too.

"Like a triple date?" Rick grins, looping his arm around her waist again.

Really, that has to stop. They've been so good, since Gates found out. Yes, mostly because it feels like they've been distant since the bomb, but even so.

It will do no good to ruin all their work now.

"Yeah, sure. Yes, actually, you should bring Lanie, bro."

Esposito snorts, setting his fist against his partner's arm. Not even a blow, not really. It's more like. . .confirmation. Balance restored.

"You really think anyone can _bring _Lanie anywhere? But I'll ask her if she wants to come, sure."

Kate grins at that, something like pride stirring in her chest. In many ways, they've had it even harder than she and Rick.

Esplanie. Jeez. Okay, maybe not.

Javier and Lanie. They've had to work for it, get past so many of the same obstacles. Espo's too much like Beckett. Afraid to commit.

Or like how she used to be, before Castle.

But they're good for each other. She's happy for them. Castle always says he likes the symmetry of it. The six of them a team; the core of her and Rick and the boys and then Lanie's spice and lovely, sweet Jenny.

It just. . .works.

"We'll be there." Kate nods, pushing at Castle's chest to win herself a little space.

He grunts, takes a step back and then surges right back in, his mouth landing at her ear. "I'm gonna head home. Make dinner. Hide. . .the thing."

"Okay. I'll get out of here in an hour or so I guess." Kate lets her mouth skim his, an ephemeral moment just to taste him.

It's sharper, richer. So much certainty there. Delicious.

He swallows, hard, and Kate watches the jump and hum of his throat. And then he's going, fast like he doesn't think he can leave at all if he doesn't do it _now_.

In the elevator, he flicks three fingers at her and she laughs, waves back. The doors close on him and it's like a shutter over her heart in replication. There's just been too much today.

An emotional ricochet and now she's exhausted. Needing him, the harbour of his body to weather the storm.

Maybe that's pathetic. But he wants her to be his _wife_. She thinks it could be okay to miss him.

"Just paperwork, Beckett. You sure you don't wanna go?" Espo offers. So much sincerity there. She really doesn't deserve him. Either of them.

Beckett takes a moment, settles herself at her desk and opens the file. "No. I've been cutting out a lot lately. I'll do it, you two go home."

Ryan nods in thanks and hurries off, apparently particularly eager to get home to his wife, but Javier's still hovering next to her.

"Kate? That job sounds like a really good opportunity. You didn't give it up just because of Castle, did you?"

"No. He was a part of it, yeah. But I don't want that life, Espo. I'm happy here."

The detective seems content with that, offering her a hesitant smile that Kate returns in force. He nods, and then he leaves her alone with the paperwork.

She finds a pen in the pot next to her computer monitor and glances down at the page -

Oh. Sweet, ridiculous boys. They've already filled it out.

Kate doesn't bother to crush her grin, letting it spread across her face as she turns the computer off, straightens her elephants just so and stands.

She's so, so close, the elevator tantalisingly within reach when the clipped voice of her captain stops her in her tracks.

"Detective. A word?"

Damn.

* * *

**Wow, awesome response to the first chapter! Thank you all so much.**


	3. Chapter 3

**singular beginning**

* * *

Castle glances up at the sound of the door, the counter in front of him littered with takeout menus and recipes, like the aftermath of a war.

He supposes, in a way, that's exactly what this is. He fought, harder than he ever has for anything, to reclaim ground. Reclaim _her_. He lost her for a while there, but now she's here and his and coming home to him.

"Hey."

The grin sears across his face, a trail of fire that cracks him open just at the sight of her. Tired and still suffering the aftershock of today, her body wrecked over and over by seismic activity, but all the time so beautiful.

Kate offers him a smile in return and steps out of her shoes, sliding her jacket off too. "Hi. Sorry. Gates wanted to see me."

"She did?" Castle slides off of the barstool and rounds the counter, letting his body crash into hers. Beckett laughs and comes up against him, clutching his ears to keep herself buoyant.

"Yeah. She wanted to know if I'd made a decision."

Oh. Gates knew? Okay. . .that-

Yeah. That hurts.

It must wash across his face, some of the sharp tug in his gut, because Kate's leaning in to brush her nose against his, pressing a kiss just above his mouth.

"Castle. Rick. I didn't tell her. The deputy director of the FBI _called_ her." Kate drops her hands to cradle his neck in her palms, and the lace of her fingers helps. It does.

"Oh. Wow. Was she mad?"

Kate lifts a shoulder, her mouth turning down at the corners. He sees, now, just how exhausted she is. Beautiful, gorgeous Kate, but she's fading.

So is he, if he lets himself think about it.

He drops his hands from Kate's hips and laces his fingers through hers, tugging her over to the couch. She drops next to him, the sinewy line of her crashing like a tide. It might pull them both under to do this now, but he's not letting her run anymore.

No more secrets.

"Kate? What did Gates say?"

"Mm, Castle." She curls up against him, nudging her nose into his collar like she's looking for the warmth trapped there. "She said she's sad to hear I'm giving up such a great opportunity, but she's glad she's not going to lose her best detective."

"Oh, so she wasn't mad?" Castle cradles Kate's skull, the honey-colored fall of her curls brushing over his knuckles.

Kate sets a hand at his sternum, sliding two fingers inside the placket of his shirt to smooth over his skin. He can't help but drop a kiss to her temple in reverence. It's just so good to have her here, touching him. Letting herself love him again.

"No, not mad. Well, a little. She thought I was giving up the job for you and she told me no man is worth it." Kate laughs, shifting her weight to have more of herself draped against his chest. "But when I explained that I wanted to stay because my job _matters _to me, and I'm not interested in being an FBI suit, she was satisfied."

"As long as you're sure?"

Kate lifts to her knees next to him, climbing into his lap with none of her usual grace. He really needs to feed her and get her to bed. It's cruel to have this conversation now, but she doesn't seem to mind.

"I'm sure. I'm happy here. So happy."

He grins at that, lifting his chin to kiss her. "Good. I'm happy too."

"Yeah?" She dips her head, her hair falling forward, and it's so much like that first morning, but also so much better.

Back then, he'd wondered if they really_ could_ do it. And now? He's sure. "_Yeah_."

"Good." She leans in to kiss him again, bracing her hands at his shoulders.

It's hard, he won't pretend. It's hard working out the big things, battling past Kate's natural tendency to insulate herself and his own fear that he'll never be enough. But their everyday is so beautiful. All the small ways they love each other mean so much.

"Okay. We're tired. I didn't start dinner because I wasn't sure what you'd want. We can get take out if you want or I can make mac and cheese or-"

She laughs, the tremor of it leaching through her body into his. "Shh. Hey, come on. It's just me, Castle. You don't have to try so hard."

"Exactly. It's you. I _want_ to try."

"No, Rick. Listen. You don't have to keep working so hard to try and keep me, if that's what you're doing. If we're gonna. . .do this, you have to stop treating me like a guest."

Kate slips backwards off of his thighs and takes both his hands in hers, tugging him to his feet as well. He lets her lead him over to the counter and nudge him onto a barstool, coming to stand between his legs.

She leans in to kiss his eyelids so they flutter shut, pressing her mouth to his in punctuation and leaning back.

"Just pick one."

Her voice is thick with laughter and he grins, hooking an arm around her waist to keep her tight against him even as he lets his other hand drop to the countertop, fingers curling around a random menu.

Mm. Thai.

"This good?" He asks, and Kate rolls her eyes at him.

"You're not getting it are you. If we're gonna get married, Castle, that means level footing."

He growls, taking her mouth in a rough and bruising kiss that smacks of desperation. He knows it, but there's nothing he can do to reign it in. "No if. Just when."

"Right." She offers him a smile, lifting up to sit at the counter and set her feet at his thighs. He cradles them in his palms, circling his thumbs over the fragile bones of her toes.

"I do get it. I just- you thought I was taking you for granted." He shrugs, his mouth stitching into a seam.

Kate wriggles her feet under his grip, bracing her hands at either side of her hips and leaning back so all he can think about is the gorgeous, forever line of her body.

"But you weren't, were you? I think. . .I understand. You thought it was too soon to ask for the things you wanted, so instead you backed off. And I thought you were bored with me, but I guess not." She smirks, scratching at the bare space of her third finger.

Huh. Okay, yeah, she gets it.

God, he wants to marry her. Soon. And he doesn't see why she can't say yes _now_. If she's going to someday soon, why not now?

"So, I put the ring in my nightstand. If you wanna wear it ever, feel free."

She snorts, shaking her head at him. "I'm not letting you get off that easy. You have to ask me again. Properly. Ask me like you don't hate me."

Castle stands and crowds her body with his own, a hand at her back to guide her down to the counter. He peppers kisses to her cheeks, her chin, landing at her mouth and catching his teeth at her lip, grinning when it pulls a whimper from her throat.

"I never hated you."

"No?" She arches her neck to kiss him harder, this deadly, gorgeous creature underneath him. His _wife_.

Well, okay, yeah. Not his wife yet. But soon.

"Never."

She pushes on his chest to sit up, winding her legs around his waist and kissing him again before she lets him go completely and drops back to her feet.

"I'm gonna go change. You order."

He opens his mouth to ask what she wants and she shoots him a look laced with amusement, but there's concern there too.

Right. He does know what she likes. He knows her.

She disappears into the bedroom and he moves to the couch, his phone clutched in his grip. If they're doing this, a trial run of marriage for the summer, he wants her here.

It's been over a year. It's time.

He wants her _here_.

* * *

**Thanks for the awesome response so far! The wonderful easiertolie made some gorgeous cover art, which I'll post to tumblr later today. Thank you Michelle!**

**Tumblr: **katiehoughton

**Twitter: **seilleanmor


	4. Chapter 4

**singular beginning**

* * *

"Hey babe, you ready?"

Castle cranes his neck around the bathroom door, sees Kate in the mirror with her hair half pinned up. She's got a few strands trailing down her neck, the dress only zipped halfway so the mountain range of her spine lies bare.

God, she's gorgeous. How in the hell did he ever manage to deserve her?

Kate turns to shoot him a look over the rise of her shoulder, her eyes outlined in charcoal or some other mystical element that makes her this feral sex goddess.

There's no way in hell he's making it through dinner with his hands to himself.

"Did you just call me babe?" She presses her lips together so they pale, a straight and unforgiving line he just wants to breach.

Instead, he shoves his hands in his pockets and leans back against the doorframe, shooting for casual.

Probably falling somewhere on the side of hopelessly infatuated, but no matter. Her eyes are brimming with tenderness, like she knows he's a bumbling idiot and loves him anyway.

"I. . .yeah?" His voice somehow finds a place to break on the single syllable and he coughs, tries to swallow it back.

She just ruins him. All the time, and when she _tries_-

God help him.

Kate smirks and stretches out a hand to him, reeling him in until her hips fit in the cradle of his. "I'm not a babe, Rick."

"No. A goddess, more like." He falters, not quite sure where it's safe to kiss her, but even as she laughs at him she's arching her neck to press her mouth to his.

Mm. No lipstick, then. Just the cold pleasure of menthol. Must be that lip balm she saves for special occasions when she's trying to kill him.

"Could you get my zipper?" She breathes against his cheek, and he drops his hands to bracket the arc of her waist, turning her back around.

He sets his chin at her shoulder and kisses the shell of her ear, meeting her eyes in the mirror and offering a soft smile before he steps back to tackle the zipper.

Holy _shit_, he likes this dress. A tight, black thing that cherishes every curve and line and plane of her. A square neckline like a picture frame for the fragile ridges of her collar bones, the shadowy place between her breasts.

Castle bands an arm around her waist and tugs her back against him, her hand settling over his at her stomach. He circles the space below the knuckle of her third finger, nudging his nose at her cheek.

"I want you to wear the ring. We're going to dinner as a couple and I want them to know."

She shakes her head, a wash of grief across her face that clutches in his gut. "I _can't_. We're not engaged, technically."

"You said that you want to marry me someday. That's exactly what being engaged _is_, Kate." He has to battle to keep his voice soft and easy, the cliff face of his own jaw too sharp in the mirror.

"Okay. I see that." She moves out of his grasp, disappearing into the bedroom, and he thinks that's it. Conversation over.

Only, when he follows and she's in the closet rifling through her ridiculous shoe collection, she still watches him.

"Castle. This is Kevin and Jenny's dinner. _Think_ about it. They've been trying for a baby for a while, and now they want to have us come for dinner?"

She steps into the heels, a nude pair he thinks might just be the death of him, and a smile flirts at the corners of her mouth when she finds herself at eye level with him. He goes for her hips again, lifting a hand to brush an errant curl away from her face. His fingertips dust over her cheekbone and she leans in to the touch, her eyes so tender on his.

"So you think they're gonna tell us Jenny's pregnant."

"Exactly." She grins, so much pride in the lift of her mouth. Of him, he thinks. For getting it. "So let's not steal their thunder, hmm?"

"Yeah. Okay. And when I ask again, and you say yes, we can have an announcement dinner of our own."

She laughs, but he doesn't miss the flash flood of want through her body before she buries it.

Uh huh, Kate. He sees it.

* * *

Castle keeps his hand at her spine like a buffer the whole way to the Ryans' apartment, the solid wall of his body at her back. Keeping close. It should be stifling, but she's drawing comfort from the heat of him.

He looks _good_. Just a suit, but the first three buttons of his dress shirt undone offer her a stretch of skin she wants to get lost in.

She caught a glimpse of them reflected in a window across the street and it knocked the breath right out of her. They look great together, but it was Castle that got to her. How his whole body echoes hers, working to keep her close.

And yeah, okay. She looks good too. The dress makes her feel tall and lithe and sexy, but it's the soft smile she can't seem to help and the loose line of her shoulders that caught her attention. He makes her feel safe, and home, and it shows all over.

"Hey, Castle?"

He turns to face her, still cradling her hand in his own. "Yeah?"

"I'm really glad we're doing this." She lifts her eyes from the floor to gauge his reaction, her mouth lifting at the corners when he grins at her.

"Dinner?"

Kate lifts a shoulder in a half-shrug, knowing it makes shadow pool at her clavicle. "Being together."

"Oh." His face washes with light and he leans in to kiss her, cradling her cheek as the elevator doors slide open. "Me too. I-"

He pulls back, stepping out of the elevator and seeming to forget about the clasp of their hands until she crashes against his side. His jaw is tight with the words he won't let go, and Kate can't help but press her mouth there in encouragement. "You can say it."

"I love you, Kate."

She grins, coming around to scrape her teeth over his lip in confirmation. "Yeah. I do too."

He nods and starts to move away, but it's not _enough_. She doesn't understand why it's still so damn hard to just say it.

It's not like he doesn't know. It's just that she hasn't said it to anyone except her dad for such a long time that the words taste strange underneath her tongue, crash against the back of her teeth.

Kate catches two fingers in his belt loop, tugging him back to her.

"Rick. I love you too."

His face breaks open with light and he beams at her, arrested with adoration in the middle of the hallway. Kate smiles back and squeezes his fingers, nudging him to move.

At the door, Castle brands her mouth with his own, taking a moment to trace his tongue over her teeth and curl his hands at her shoulders. Like he thinks she won't let him touch her in front of their friends.

Honestly, she's not sure she can keep her hands off of him.

He knocks, shooting her a sideways grin so full with joy that it makes her heart pound. So much of the little boy in him. It's beautiful.

Ryan answers, ushering them both inside and taking Castle's jacket. He seems nervous, his palms clammy when he pulls Kate in for a hug, and she has to bite back a laugh.

"Okay?" She lifts an eyebrow at him and he nods, running a hand over his face.

"Fine. Yeah. Glad you guys could make it."

Kate grins, threading her fingers through Castle's and tugging him in against her side. "Of course. Anything we can do to help?"

"No, no, go sit."

Ryan ushers them towards the couch, and Castle huffs a sigh that curls around her neck. "Dude, relax. It's just us."

"Right. Yeah." Kevin offers them a half-formed nod and then he's disappearing into the kitchen to join his wife.

Kate settles on the couch, Castle nestled close to her side with his hand still enveloping hers. "You think they're okay?"

"Yeah. Just nervous, I guess." Kate leans in to kiss him, a hand coming up to cradle his cheek and smooth her fingertips over the scatter of stubble at his jaw.

He hums into it, smiling against her mouth so she has to pull back. She keeps their foreheads pressed together, her nose nudging into his.

It's ridiculous, really, that they're suddenly so incapable of keeping their hands off of each other. It's been over a year.

Only, every time she looks at him she can't help picturing his face as he waits at the end of the aisle for her. Every time he says her name, she hears him adding _my wife_ on the end.

He leaves it unsaid, but she knows it's there.

A knock on the front door jolts Kate and she shifts, puts a few careful inches between herself and Castle. It's only Espo and Lanie, she knows that, but even so. . .it's embarrassing.

Castle laughs, leaning in to kiss her again and then sweeping up to pay tithe at her temple. "Are you ashamed of me, Kate Beckett?"

"No. Just don't want to overshadow the Ryans."

He nods at that, squeezing her hand and then standing to greet Javier and Lanie at the door. Kate follows, feeling useless just sitting on the couch.

"Hey guys." Lanie says, leaning in to let Castle kiss her cheek and then drawing Kate in for a hug as Rick and Espo carry out some complex ritual handshake.

Lanie gets her mouth at Kate's ear, quiet and insistent in her questioning. "You guys are good? Javi tells me you're not taking the job."

"I'm not. And yeah, we're good." Kate meets Lanie's eyes, lets her friend see the truth of it there.

She and Castle are. . .more than good.

Jenny comes through from the kitchen and leans in to kiss her husband's cheek, a hand falling to her stomach. Kate won't say anything, let them make the announcement, but she's pretty sure.

Kevin's going to be a dad.

* * *

**More dinner party to come, I promise. I'm just trying to keep these chapters under two thousand words for easier reading.**

**Tumblr: **katiehoughton

**Twitter: **seilleanmor


	5. Chapter 5

**singular beginning**

* * *

"So," Ryan says, casting a glance to his wife and returning her soft smile. "You guys are detectives, so I guess you've figured out why Jenny and I asked you to dinner."

Castle slides his hand under the table and curves his palm around the smooth curve of Kate's patella, circling his thumb into the crease of her knee. "You got an announcement to make, Kev?"

"Yeah. We do." Ryan swallows hard; the jump in his throat might be comical if Rick weren't so entranced by the gossamer of Kate's skin.

"Go ahead." Lanie offers, softer than usual. All four of them can see the tremulous uncertainty that both the Ryans are thick with, Kevin's knuckles white with tension against the tabletop.

It's Jenny that speaks, quiet and certain. "I'm pregnant."

Castle stands to wrap Ryan in a hug, hears Javi telling Jenny _congrats, chica_. "You guys are gonna be great parents." He says into Kevin's ear, his fingers spanning wide at his friend's back.

He lets go, steps back to embrace Jenny, let Kate have a hushed moment with Ryan. After the congratulations die down a little, everyone laughs to find themselves standing scattered around the table like a congregation.

Rick takes Kate's hand and draws her in against his side, dusting a kiss against her temple that lifts a sigh up from her chest. "You were right."

"Of course I was right." She murmurs back, laughing at him with her eyes on Lanie. The ME watches them closely, an arch to her eyebrow that makes him want to confess everything.

But no. Kate's right. This is the Ryan's dinner, their big moment. He won't steal the spotlight.

"Jenny, can I help you with dessert?" Lanie asks, still regarding Kate carefully. Castle can't understand how Beckett doesn't crumble under the intensity of it.

"Sure, that'd be great." Jenny smiles, her palm curved at her stomach now.

Lanie wraps her fingers around Kate's wrist on her way to the kitchen, jerking her out of Castle's grip. "You should help too, Kate."

Huh. Okay. Seems like Lanie's dragging Beckett off for an inquisition. He can't help but wonder how much Kate will be comfortable sharing with their friends. They know that things have been difficult lately, and that they seem to be okay now.

If Kate doesn't tell Lanie about the proposal, the ME might actually kill her. He has no doubt that she could make it look like an accident.

Actually, more likely, Lanie will kill _him_.

Castle offers a half-smile to Ryan and Espo, settling back into his chair and trying to ignore the fortress of their bodies shoulder to shoulder. "You guys okay?"

"Dude. What's going on with you and Beckett?" Javi says, his voice low and insistent. Oh jeez, okay. Looks like they're really doing this.

"What do you mean?"

Ryan sits opposite Castle, his hands clasped on the table in an approximation of interrogation. "Things have been awkward between you lately. You didn't even show up a couple days last week. And now all of a sudden you can't keep your hands off of each other?"

Castle's eyes shutter closed and he sucks in a breath through his teeth, lets it curl down deep inside before he speaks. "We had. . .a fight. But we're good now."

"A fight. About the job in DC?" Damn Esposito and his astuteness.

"Yeah. But it's _fine_, guys. We're fine."

Ryan snorts, sitting back in his chair and folding his arms. Interrogation in the detective's own home is proving to be. . .not the most fun he's ever had. "You seem more than _fine_ to me."

"Is she pregnant?" Esposito grits out like the thought tastes acid in his mouth.

Castle chokes on nothing, his brain flooding with images of Kate swollen with his child, Kate cradling their baby in her arms, even as panic floods his system.

"No, she's not pregnant. Definitely not."

"Well what then. We know something's going on, Castle. Just spill." Ryan insists, glancing towards the kitchen as if he can see Kate and get the truth from her instead.

"I, uh-" Oh God, he's going to have to tell them. "I proposed."

"You did _what_?" Esposito shouts, standing up from his chair and rounding the table like he's going to attack.

"I asked Kate to marry me." Saying it like that makes it surreal, somehow. He still can't believe he finally found the courage to voice the depth of his desire, let her know how much she means.

"And she said yes?" Ryan grins, apparently not as repulsed by the idea as his partner.

Castle sinks back into the seat, carefully not meeting their eyes. "Well, no. She said not yet."

"Not yet?" Esposito growls, startling close to Rick's face.

"Yeah. She said we're not there yet, and she's right. But she did say that someday it'll be a yes, so that counts right?" She's going to kill him. She's going to lynch him in the middle of the damn dinner party.

The women come back through to the dining room bearing dessert before either of the boys can reply, and he's stupidly grateful.

And then Kate glances at each of the boys in turn before coming to set her gaze on him, her mouth stitched tight. "You told them, didn't you?"

Lanie smirks, the glint of knowledge sharp in her eyes, and Castle stands in triumph. "_So did you_."

Kate's turn to look guilty, she dips her head and frowns. So beautiful that he can't help but move towards her, cupping her elbows to draw her in to him. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She steps back, ever-conscious of the other eyes on the two of them. "Fine."

"So," Jenny beams, threading her fingers through her husbands'. "We're pregnant, and Kate and Rick are engaged. What about you two?"

Oh no. That's not good.

Kate told him, eventually, what happened with Lanie and Espo, why they broke up. Because Jenny pushed too hard and they freaked out at the idea of commitment.

Only now, Javier is grinning at his girlfriend, leaning in to press a bruising kiss to her mouth. "We're getting there."

Wow. Seems that commitment is catching.

Jenny ushers everyone to sit, passing out plates of dessert before she takes her own seat. The six of them pause, and then there's a triumphant burst of laughter from Lanie that has Kate descending into mirth and suddenly no one can contain it.

"So, anyone else got any revelations they'd like to share?" Ryan says, still smirking. "No? Okay, so everyone can relax."

Castle grins, stretching his arm out along the back of Kate's chair to circle his fingertips at the bare skin of her shoulder.

Yeah. Here, with Kate soft and warm next to him, their friends mirroring his own contentment, he can relax.

* * *

**I'm really sorry for the delay on this chapter. Real life has been a little crazy lately. In light of that, I've kind of. . .lowered the goal for myself in terms of this fic.**

**The ficathon has to be 50,000 words and I can still achieve that. But I'm going to take my word count as a combination of this fic and my other, **_**More Than Together**_**. That way, I can work on this without such a tight quota to fill and let the story flow naturally rather than having to force it.**

**Thanks for sticking with me. **


	6. Chapter 6

**singular beginning**

* * *

"Hey." Castle rolls over onto his stomach, pillowing his chin between her breasts and tipping to press a careful kiss to her scar. Her body, the scrapes and bruises and white lines of fibrous tissue, rich and diverse with the cartography of her.

And then inside that another stretch of her life, body weathered by time spent with him. The thickening at her hips where he feeds her home cooked dinners and doesn't give her time to run, sparring between the sheets with her instead.

She's still in shape, but softer with it. Like it's not the only thing she does with her free time anymore.

Kate drops a hand to card her fingers through the scruffy, toppling fall of his bangs, sweeping them away from his eyes over and over. "Hi."

"So I was thinking. You said we should take the summer to work on communicating?" He shifts, slipping his palm over the lithe arch of her spine and cradling her close.

"Yeah. Well, marriage needs communication to survive."

"Right." He grins, flooding and omnipotent. "Right. So, we have to talk about things we want, things we think, yeah?"

Kate raises an eyebrow at him, setting her book on the nightstand and sitting up. He gets his cheek pressed to her inside thigh and he laughs, watches the milky swatch of her skin ripple in the lamplight. "I guess so."

"You know I love my drawer. I really, really do. I'm kinda attached." He smirks at her, sitting up to cross his legs and face her. Slender fingers fall to the rise of his knees, tripping adoration in the creases of his skin.

"Good. I'd hoped so."

Rick nods, coming in to clash his mouth at hers. Rich and lovely, the threading work of her tongue over his teeth. This is the way it is now with them. Everything an exploration, the both of them seeking to draw out the quieter things.

"But, see, I don't want it anymore."

Her jaw goes slack with surprise, the burn of it ripping through her. "What? Why not?"

"Come here." Castle gathers her up at his side, manoeuvring them both to lean against the headboard. Kate draws her knees up to her chest and curls her toes in the shoreline of rippling silk. "I want you instead."

"You want me to move in?" She turns in to him, nudging her nose at the collar of his sleep shirt. Sometimes she'll steal this one, and then when he gets it back he smells her and her washing powder and the catch of her dreams in the hem.

"I want you to _want_ to move in." He finds himself saying, not even really meaning it. Not the way it sounds. Like he's still waiting on her.

He's allowed to push her. He sees that now.

Kate's tongue marks out a line at his neck, landing at his ear and sucking hard on the soft flesh of his earlobe. "I do want to live with you."

"But?"

"But." She breathes a sigh, her chest collapsing with it so hard he has to clutch at her, kiss away the desperate image of her bleeding in the grass. "Alexis."

"_Alexis_? What does my daughter have to do with it?"

Tension winds through her, cadaveric against his side, and he sets his palm at her spine in deep pressure. Hopes he can open the floodgate of easy, sexy warmth he's seen so much of this year.

"This is still her home. She just went to college; I don't want her to feel that you're replacing her with me." Kate blinks up at him, her hair haphazard and spilling down into her eyes.

Castle sets his palm at her cheek and comes in to kiss her, painting the vibrant hope of his heart into her mouth. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"No, but it's what she'll think. You said she _hates_ me."

Oh, Kate. So beautiful and oh, so insecure when it comes to his family. They _all_ love her, all three of them. She brings security, and calm. A lodestone for the swinging back-and-forth of his mother's emotions, a role model for his daughter.

And everything, _everything_ to him.

"That was months ago. She doesn't hate you. She loves you. She's just. . .intimidated." He bands his arm tight around her waist and tugs her to lie down with him, letting her pillow the sleepy warmth of her body against his chest.

Kate's hand slips up inside his shirt and she draws her fingernails over the soft patch at his side, grinning into his chest when he shudders with it. "Intimidated?"

"Yeah. She thinks you're amazing, and she really wants to impress you. That's all." Castle rests his mouth at her temple, pays tithe.

Always so very thankful for her.

Kate's knee slides up to press at his thigh, her body closing around him. A cove, for him to weather the crash and break of his emotion. "She already impresses me. So much. Do you think I should talk to her?"

"You could take her out for lunch or something if you wanted. She'd like that." He offers, stretching over to turn out the bedside lamp. Moonlight rushes in, milky and perfect. It falls liquid over the planes of Kate's face, painting her ethereal.

"I'd like that too. But Castle, I remember college. I remember how important it was that I could come home to things being the same. How much it hurt when my world fell apart."

He draws her closer against him, body burning with ferocity. How much he hates Bracken for doing this to her, taking her life as putty in his hands. "It's not the same. You make me so happy, Kate. My daughter sees that."

"You make me happy too. As long as you think she'd be okay with it?" Kate arches against him, her body suddenly limp.

Sleep-slack, she pools in the sheets and he has to shift, arrange himself around the flood of her frame. "I know she would be. And I was thinking. . .it's time my mother moved out."

"Castle, you are not kicking your mother out for me." She grits out, trying for ferocity and falling more on the side of apathetic half-interest. Her consciousness unspools and he fights it, hand over hand holding onto the thread of her awareness.

"Course not. She should be independent, though. And we'll need our space. So I thought, your apartment isn't that far away. Affordable with the money she's making at her acting studio, too."

It's not that he wants his mother gone. But he wants the freedom to be with Kate, to have her be his wife and fit in their home, adding her touch to it. He wants to need the extra bedroom.

"Kay. Yeah. Your mom can have my apartment." Her lashes drift like shadows and she presses her cheek to the pillow, lacing her fingers through his to draw his arm around her waist.

"And you'll move in?"

She manages a smile for him, eyes never opening. "Yep. Move in."

And then she's out, heavy in his bed, and he's grinning into nothing, rolling onto his back to watch outside coming in, shadowy echoes of vibrant life in the streets below etched onto his ceiling.

It's so stupid, the grin that cracks his face wide, but he can't seem to help himself. She's going to move in. She wants to marry him.

His life, finally, exactly where he's always been headed.

* * *

"So." Kate crosses her arms and sets them at the countertop, leaning in to meet his eyes. He's settled on the barstool with his bowl in front of him, still shovelling cereal. "When are we going to do this?"

"Soon." He grunts at her, the caffeine not yet roaring in his bloodstream. She woke him early, wanted to make a start on this.

She shifts, her knee crashing into the counter, and Castle touches two fingers to her cheek a moment, tenderness fighting through the wash of sleep. "Okay. Because my lease is up next week, so."

"Really? And you want to do this that soon?" He raises an eyebrow at her, mouth stitching into a seam.

Kate comes further in, darts her tongue out to touch the corner where his lips meet. His shudder ripples through her and she grins into it, stepping back to finish up rinsing the dishes.

He passes her his bowl and she runs it under the water, shooting a sideways glance at him. "Why not?"

"No, yeah. I just thought you'd want to. . .take it slow." He shrugs at her, draining the last dregs of his coffee and coming around the counter to help her load up the dishwasher.

His edges are blurred this morning, careful and timid with her. It makes her want to curl up with him and trace her fingertips over his skin. "No. I basically live here anyway. The bigger change will be your mom moving out. If she even wants to."

"Right. I think she's joining us for dinner tonight, so we could tell her then?"

She pinches at his waist, huffing a breath that makes him grin. "We _ask_ her. You are not kicking her out, Castle."

"Right. But you want to do this?" He says, suddenly earnest.

"Yes."

He nods, kissing her softly and closing the door to the dishwasher, a quiet thump that kicks in her heart, makes her knees liquid. "Let's start today."


	7. Chapter 7

**singular beginning**

* * *

Martha sweeps inside the loft with a flourish and Kate glances up from the book cradled against her thighs, her bare toes curled over the edge of the couch cushion like holding on.

"Hello Katherine, darling." The older woman hums, coming over to card a gentle hand through Kate's hair. She settles in the armchair opposite, her legs folded at the knee so her patella rises up from the hem of her pencil skirt.

A timeless sort of grace to every movement that Kate finds reassuring. Martha isn't here a lot, often busy with friends. But she always comes back. She's always there when Kate needs her.

Which, admittedly, is not often. Even so, it helps. "Hi Martha. How was lunch?"

"Oh, delightful. It was wonderful to catch up, you know." Martha beams, slipping her heels off and flexing her arches. Kate hums in sympathy, feels the phantom tightness in her own feet. Sometimes Castle will massage them for her; work out the trembling tension until she turns liquid against him.

Every time, if she'd let him.

"I do." Beckett says, opening the dust cover and folding it around to mark her page, the book falling closed against her legs. She sets it aside, stretching out against the couch and dropping her head back. "Castle went to get stuff for dinner."

"Ah yes," Martha raises an eyebrow, unhooking the chunky bangle that circles the fragile line of her wrist to set it at the side table. Actually, that might be. . .yeah. That's the one that saved Castle's life. And his mother's, and all the rest of the hostages.

Stupid gratitude surges in her chest, for the hunk of metal and for her fiancé both, and Kate grits her teeth. The sharp edge of tension swells in her jaw and up, her ears thick with it too, but it helps.

Martha's still talking, watching her with that soft compassion she wears so often. "Richard called earlier and invited me to dinner."

Kate raises an eyebrow at that, glancing over to the window to watch the rose-gold of dusk threading through the sky, the slow dip of the sun making light run through the spaces in between the clouds like tributaries. Her gaze slips back to Martha and the older woman laughs, clasping her fingers.

"Honestly darling, I wasn't aware I had to be invited to have dinner with my own son and his lovely girlfriend."

It's right there, sweet and right where it settles behind her teeth. Not his girlfriend, his fiancée. But she won't tell his mother now. Not when he wants to cook for her specially, tell her together.

And offer her Kate's apartment.

"I think he's just excited to cook for us both." Kate grins, knotting the spill of her curls at her neck to try and combat the heat.

Castle's building is fully air-conditioned, of course, but she turned it off as soon as he left. Felt stupid using it just for herself. She had hoped the open windows would suffice, but the evening is muggy. Her skin sticks to the leather of the couch, the creases at her knees and elbows uncomfortably damp.

Martha must notice too; she's sliding her jacket off of her shoulders and shifting in the chair, her skin glistening a little. "Is the air conditioner out, darling?"

"No, I. . .didn't want to use it."

"Why ever not? It's practically sweltering." Martha hums, already standing up to head for the control panel. She shoots a look at Kate over her shoulder, a sharpness to it that sets discomfort churning in her stomach.

Kate catches her lip between her teeth, feeling suddenly useless where she sits at the couch. Standing up to join Martha, she feels the thick and cloying heat rolling off of the hardwood and has to swallow back a tide of shame. So stupid.

"I didn't want to waste it just on me."

Martha's hands curl around her shoulders, slender fingers pressing hard at Kate's bare skin. "Katherine, you belong here. This is your home just as it is Richard's, or mine, or Alexis'. I want you to be comfortable here, even when you're alone. Alright?"

"Okay. Yeah. I'm being an idiot." Kate laughs, dipping her head so as not to meet the interrogative blue of Martha's eyes.

The older woman drops her hands, stepping back and shaking her head. "Yes, you are. Let's agree not to tell Richard about this, if you can promise not to be so ridiculous in the future."

"Sure." Kate grins, wiping a palm against the back of her neck to try and cool off. She opens her mouth to say more, thank Martha for being so open with her, and stops at the swing of the door.

A grin breaks out across her face and she feels it crease her eyes, her cheeks already aching with it. She only saw him a couple hours ago; it is completely ridiculous to be so delighted at his appearance now.

But, yeah. . .she loves him.

"Mother, you're home already." Castle says, leaning in to kiss his mother's cheek. Kate takes the grocery bags from him and moves to the kitchen, allowing the two of them a moment alone.

She tries hard not to listen, stretching up on tiptoe to reach the higher cabinet. It makes her tank ride up, and the touch of Castle's fingers to the strip of bare skin startles her hard enough that she drops back onto flat feet.

His mouth sets at her ear, warm and delicious, and he murmurs to her. "Missed you. Mother said anything to you?"

"Just wondered why dinner now requires an invite." Kate turns in the cove of his arms and raises an eyebrow at him, arching up again to dust her mouth over his. "I told her it's just you being excited to cook."

"Good." He smirks, touching the tip of his tongue to her lower lip just enough to make her hips nudge into his own. "You wanna help?"

"What, can't hack it all by yourself?"

He huffs, biting at her lip in retaliation even as his hand comes up to settle between her shoulder blades. So achingly tender with her. "I'm trying to save you from my mother."

"Sure, Castle. Okay, I'll help."

* * *

Rick sets the last dish down and takes his seat at the head of the table, his hand falling to cradle Kate's. A carefully carved moment of adoration in the midst of his mother's exclamation.

"This looks wonderful, but really Richard? Is this some sort of last supper or something?"

He smirks, sliding his foot along the floor to get his toes against Kate's ankle. From the corner of his eye he watches the shockwave of it rattling through her, the hitch in her chest. "Of sorts."

"Castle." Kate hisses, shooting him a look that rolls in like an oncoming storm, has his spine erupting in gooseflesh.

Right, yeah. The future is not a joke to her.

Not to him either, but this is what he does. A defence mechanism, especially with his mother. He needs the humour. "Sorry. Uh, Mother. Kate and I have something to share."

Castle glances at his fiancée, can't help the soft curl of his mouth. And, thank God, she's smiling back. Her fingers lace through his so their knuckles clash and she turns her gaze back to his mother, the both of them waiting on him.

"I asked Kate to marry me, and she said yes."

"I did _not_ say yes." Kate cuts in before his mother can do more than clasp her hands, a delighted peal of laughter rising up. "I said _not yet_."

Rick draws her hand up to his mouth and scatters kisses over her knuckles, the clattering almost-music like arrhythmia in his veins. "Actually, you said someday you want to marry me. Face it, Beckett. We're engaged."

She sighs at him, but there's a pleased flush to her cheeks and her thumb circles over the thud of his pulse at his wrist. "Okay, fine. We're engaged."

"I can't tell you how delighted I am." His mother says, rounding the table to draw Kate in for a hug. She turns back and smacks a kiss to Castle's cheek, a hand curled around each of their shoulders. "I always knew you'd get there."

"At least someone did." Kate murmurs, her mouth opening into that grin that shows all her teeth, the one that smacks of relief.

His mother goes back to her seat, taking a slow sip of her wine before she speaks again. "Katherine, dear. You are perfect for my son. You always have been."

Castle glances at her, this woman he loves more than he ever thought he could, and sees the pleased tilt to her mouth. She meets his eyes, flecked with the whole expanse of their lives together.

Kate leans in to kiss him, fleeting and perfect, and sits back to meet his mother's eyes. "He's perfect for me, too."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for your patience.**

**Tumblr: **katiehoughton

**Twitter: **seilleanmor


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